Jewish
Wedding Culture and Traditions
A traditional Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals, giving
expression to the deepest significance and purpose of marriage.
These rituals symbolize the beauty of the relationship of husband
and wife, as well as their obligations to each other and to the
Jewish people.
In preparing for the wedding, the chatan (Hebrew for
groom) and kallah (bride) should not only pay attention to the material
and temporal aspects of married life, but should focus as well on
ensuring their religious, spiritual and moral readiness for the
future.
The following guide explains the Jewish wedding traditions
to help you better understand the beauty and joy of the celebration.
THE WEDDING DAY
The dawning wedding day heralds the happiest and
holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom
Kippur for the chatan and kallah, for on this day all their past
mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul.
As on Yom Kippur, both the chatan and kallah fast
(in this case, from dawn until after the completion of the marriage
ceremony). And at the ceremony, the chatan wears a kittel, the traditional
white robe worn on Yom Kippur.
KABBALAT PANIM
It is customary for the chatan and kallah not to
see each other for the week preceding the wedding. Separate receptions,
called Kabbalat Panim, are held just prior to the wedding ceremony.
Jewish tradition likens the couple to a queen
and king. The kallah will be seated on a throne to receive her guests,
while the chatan is surrounded by guests who sing and toast him.
At this time there is a tradition for the mother
of the bride and the mother of the groom to stand together and break
a plate. The reason is to show the seriousness of the commitment
-- just as a plate can never be fully repaired, so too a broken
relationship can never be fully repaired.
BADEKEN
Next comes the badeken, the veiling of the kallah
by the chatan. The veil symbolizes the idea of modesty and conveys
the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be,
the soul and character are paramount.
The chatan, accompanied by family and friends, proceeds
to the kallah's room and places the veil over her face. This is
an ancient custom and serves as the first of many actions by which
the groom signals his commitment to clothe and protect his wife.
It is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac.
CHUPAH
The wedding ceremony takes place under the chupah
(canopy), a symbol of the home to be built and shared by the couple.
It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent
open all sides to welcome friends and relatives in unconditional
hospitality.
The chupah is usually held outside, under the stars,
as a sign of the blessing given by G-d to the patriarch Abraham
that his children shall be as the stars of the heavens.
The chatan and kallah will wear no jewelry under the
chupah (marriage canopy). Their mutual commitment to one another
is based on who they are as people not on their respective material
possessions.
The chatan, followed by the kallah, are usually escorted
to the chuppah by their respective sets of parents. Under the chupah,
the kallah circles the chatan seven times. Just as the world was
created in seven days, the kallah is figuratively building the walls
of the couple's new home. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness
and completeness that they cannot attain separately. The kallah
then settles at her chatan's right-hand side.
BLESSINGS OF BETROTHAL (KIDDUSHIN)
Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony.
The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessing, and after these
are recited, the couple drinks from the cup.
Wine, a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition, is associated
with the Kiddush, the sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and
festivals. Marriage, which is called Kiddushin, is the sanctification
of a man and woman to each other.
GIVING OF THE RING
The ring should be made of plain gold, without blemishes
or ornamentation (e.g. stones) -- just as it is hoped that the marriage
will be one of simple beauty.
The chatan now takes the wedding ring in his hand,
and in clear view of two witnesses, he declares to his wife, Behold;
you are betrothed unto me with this ring according to the laws of
Moses and Israel. He then places the ring on the forefinger of his
bride's right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central
moment of the wedding ceremony, and the couple is now fully married
at this point.
KETUBAH (MARRIAGE CONTRACT)
Now comes the reading of the Ketubah (marriage contract)
in the original Aramaic text. In marriage, the chatan accepts upon
himself certain marital responsibilities which are detailed in the
Ketubah. His principal obligations are to provide food, shelter
and clothing for his wife, and to be attentive to her emotional
needs. The protection of the rights of a Jewish wife is so important
that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been
completed.
The document is signed by two witnesses, and has
the standing of a legally binding agreement. The Ketubah is the
property of the kallah and she must have access to it throughout
their marriage. It is often written amidst beautiful artwork, to
be framed and displayed in the home. The reading of the Ketubah
acts as a break between the first part of the ceremony -- Kiddushin
(betrothal), and the latter part -- Nissuin (marriage).
In preparing for the wedding, the chatan (Hebrew
for groom) and kallah (bride) should not only pay attention to the
material and temporal aspects of married life, but should focus
as well on ensuring their religious, spiritual and moral readiness
for the future.
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